Christmas a wonderful time with love, joy, laughter and goodwill. A time to be with family, and the giving and receiving of gifts. Christmas use to be those things for me.
There was a time when I joyful and excited at the prospect of Christmas. For years I was like a kid gleaming when I came down the stairs at the sight of all the presents.The tree glistening and decorations in abundance. Also, getting sick on Christmas cookies, and treats.
I made Christmas cookies, decorated the Christmas tree, watched Christmas movies and listened to way too many Christmas songs.The unhealthy obsession with Grandma got run over by a reindeer and the little drummer boy.
I had always loved Christmas and my family made Christmas believable when I was a kid. My grandfather use to make Santa prints with the ashes of the fireplace. They use to say Cookies and milk were spilled all over because Santa was such in a hurry delivering presents and he was hungry. I would sleep with my cousins and sister in the living room trying to stay awake all night trying to catch Santa in the act and utterly failing. Would I catch Santa that night? Would I prove his existence? I would made Christmas cookies for my Uncle, spent hours debating the intricacies of the Christmas holiday and if Santa existed. That love and spirt of the holiday carried with me into adulthood.
Yet it was all swept away one fateful night a few days before Christmas. I was with my ex boyfriend watching a sci fi show and I got the news. Grandma had a stroke. She had to be admitted to the hospital. Earlier that day and the last thing I would ever say to her over the phone in an annoyed voice I will not forget my tempeh sandwich ingredients. I use to love talking to my grandma for hours in person and the on phone. My grandma and I were close. She was a bit crazy. She drove way too fast on the highway, had a bit of a temper and got into a bunch of crazy situations. We laughed together, played games together and got into a bunch of crazy situations.
We were terrible at taking turns pushing each other in a wheelchair all around the mall, and almost crashed many times. We made up many ways to annoy your grandmother for a book. I did make a book on that for Christmas one year for her. We played little games like how many minutes left on the meter, and how far is that person to hit(Yes we were terrible). We played hours of double solitaire, took many photo hunts taking pictures, watched movies and just talked for hours. We laughed, smiled and enjoyed each other company. We did Christmas shopping together and decorated the tree together. She was the only grandparent I was close to.
No longer was I was jolly on Christmas and festive. I was a grinch.”I had shoes that were too tight, my head wasn’t screw on right, and my heart was two sizes too small, which was the reason being the most likely of all.” No I did not try to cancel Christmas by stealing gifts and decorations from my town. When the day came I just wanted it to be over with. I dreaded the thought of it and was in a dreary mood all day.
In time the wound healed!
In time the wound healed. Grandma will always be in my heart but I am peace with what happened now. This Christmas was different. I returned to the Christmas spirit I once had. I was joyful and enjoyed at the prospect of Christmas again. I watched Christmas movies Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I enjoyed decorating the Christmas tree for the first time in years. I enjoyed the drum beat to the little drummer boy over and over again to the point of annoyance of my family.I again found joy of listening to different Christmas tunes.
Christmas is once again a holiday I will enjoy for years to come.