I’m dumb!

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Childhood. A time for freedom and exploration. Yet my childhood was troubling. I had undiagnosed depression and loathed school. Yes, I loathed school. I’m sure many kids do as they are forced to sit in a classroom quietly and just sit and listen. Yet I was treated like a simpleton. I did not care about learning as a child since I was stupid. I had been taught that all my life. I was quite a reader in elementary school and had an amazing resource teacher. He believed in me and encouraged my love of reading. I felt invincible like I could conquer anything when I was in that classroom. However, that was quickly thwarted when I entered back into the dreaded classroom. I would stare at the clock all day looking at the time wondering if the day would ever end. Overall, my learning environment was pretty toxic.
I was in resource all my life for a learning disability because I couldn’t and still, a bit can’t write out what’s in my head. I hate that term learning disability but that is a post for another time. Does that make me dumb? No! Of course not. I’m sure whoever reads this knows this. However, that is how I was treated.
I have blocked out pretty much my whole learning environment during my childhood. Among many other things throughout my life.
A prime example of being treated dumb is when I was in fourth grade, I was pulled aside to learn to count money with a few other people. They assumed I could not count money. Yes, they just assumed. They forced me in that group without as much as a second thought. Of course, I could count money. That is just one of the many times I was treated as inferior and dumb.

My progresion

For the longest time, I believed I was dumb. That is what I had been taught after all.
So I never learned to take notes growing up, memorize information, or learn how to study. Solely because I did not fucking care.
Why would I?
I have learned to take notes over the years yet I never learned the art of memorization.
Before my two concussions, I could take notes on a subject and quickly learn the information after that. However, my memory is shot. So I have to relearn as a child would. I need to learn how to learn. Which I quite frankly never really grasped, to begin with. Taking notes is great to skill to have but not if you can’t memorize the information. This is where my 30-day challenge comes in. My first of many. I am going to learn the basic skills required to be able to remember things again. No rote memorization but actual memory techniques. Memory palaces, the major system, how to remember names, ext.. Let’s face it. If I can’t remember names on a club that I am running for children how I can expect them to respect me. How can I respect myself when I can’t remember a name or even simply a historical fact.

“The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!”

My 30 day challenge

Memorizing the book of James, learning memory palaces, and Jim Kwik’s Mindvalley 30 day courses. I will be documenting my progress every week for a couple of weeks.
Until then,
live long and prosper.
master of memory

2 thoughts on “I’m dumb!”

  1. I hate to hear that you had such a bad time in school, I was told in school that I had a learning disability also, and was put in ESE and SLD classes but I did not feel like I did any better in those classes than “regular” classes tbh, I think a lot of the school don’t know how to teach students and give up on them too quickly.


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